June 22, 2026
What to Do When Things Don't Go According to Plan (And How to Take Back Control)
Five minutes.
That's how long it took after announcing my book launch before I got an email telling me it had been declined by the store.
I'd written the book. Done the work. Had everything ready. Hit publish. Posted about it. And five minutes later — declined.
I won't lie, there was a moment of disappointment. But then I laughed.
Because the book is about blame versus responsibility.
And there I was, at a perfect crossroads: blame the store, spiral into frustration, let the whole thing derail me — or take responsibility and do something about it.
I wrote an email. Explained the situation. And we're back on for launch.
This moment — as ridiculous and ironic as it was — reminded me of something I keep coming back to: the way we respond when things go wrong says everything about where we are mentally, and it shapes what happens next.
Why We Default to Blame (and Why It Feels So Good)
When something goes sideways, blame is the path of least resistance. It feels satisfying because it protects us — if it's someone else's fault, we don't have to change anything. We get to stay comfortable while outsourcing the problem.
But blame is expensive. It keeps you stuck in the past, focused on what went wrong instead of what to do next. It burns energy on something you can't change.
Responsibility is different. It's not about fault — it's about power. When you take responsibility for your response, you take back control of what happens next.
The Framework: Sort, Own, Move
When things don't go to plan, I use a simple three-step process to get back on track.
Step 1: Sort — Separate What Is and Isn't in Your Control
Grab a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left, write everything about the situation that you cannot control. On the right, write everything you can.
In my case:
- Can't control: The store's decision to decline, the timeline for review, the outcome of my appeal
- Can control: How I respond, the email I write, what I work on while I wait, my mindset
Most of our stress comes from focusing on the left column while ignoring the right. The sort step makes the distinction visible, which makes it harder to obsess over the wrong side.
Step 2: Own — Choose Your Response
There's a split second between what happens to you and how you respond. Most people don't notice it — they just react. But that gap is where your power lives.
Owning your response doesn't mean pretending everything is fine. Feel the disappointment, the frustration, the irritation — those feelings are real and valid. But own the next move. Ask yourself: what's the most useful thing I can do right now?
For me, it was writing a clear, calm email. Not a venting email. Not a blame email. A response email.
Step 3: Move — Act on What You Can, Release What You Can't
Once you've sorted and owned, move. Put your energy into the right column and consciously let go of the left.
Right now I'm also waiting on payment processors to verify my new business. It's taking time. I've submitted everything they need — there's nothing more I can do to speed it up. So I'm not waiting. I'm working on everything else. Building what I can build. Moving what I can move.
The things you can't control will always be there. The question is whether you let them control you.
Why This Is Harder Than It Sounds
None of this is complicated. It's also not easy.
The pull toward blame and reaction is strong because it's automatic. Years of conditioning. It takes deliberate practice to catch yourself in that split second and make a different choice.
The good news is that it gets easier. Not because the hard things stop happening — they don't. But because you get faster at recognising the crossroads and choosing the right path.
The Bigger Picture: Blame vs. Responsibility
This is exactly why I wrote my book. The difference between blame and responsibility isn't just a mindset shift — it's a fundamentally different way of moving through the world.
Blame asks: Who did this to me? Responsibility asks: What can I do about it?
One keeps you stuck. One moves you forward.
The irony of my book being declined the moment I launched it wasn't lost on me. But if I'd let that moment spiral into blame — at the store, at the timing, at the situation — you wouldn't be reading this right now.
Instead, I wrote an email, took the next step, and kept moving.
The same is true when the disruption is smaller but more personal, like losing the habits that normally keep you steady. If that is where you are, I have also written about how to get back into a routine without turning the return into a punishment.
That's the practice.
Try It This Week
Think of one thing in your life right now that isn't going to plan. Something that's causing frustration or stress.
Run it through the framework:
- Sort — what's actually in your control, and what isn't?
- Own — what's the most useful response you can make?
- Move — take one action on the right column today, and consciously release the left
You won't fix everything. But you'll stop letting the things you can't control run the show.
And that's where it starts.
If this resonated, share it with someone who's in the middle of something hard right now. Sometimes the right words at the right time make all the difference.